Am I Living A Pointless Life?

As I’m sitting in my bed like I do every night, I am haunted by my thoughts. And the same thought always comes up; Am I living A Pointless Life?

I get up every morning, get ready, and have a coffee. Go to work for 8 hours doing something I have no passion for anymore. Come home cook and clean for my husband and child then spend a few hours doing who knows what. Then repeat the cycle.

Some people would say get a hobby, that sounds great, its life. But I have had the hardest time accepting this. I think of the days when I was a child and had no responsibilities and just lived life every day in the moment. I miss the feeling of adrenaline of doing something the first time and going out of comfort zone and learning things about myself. I miss the feeling of youth.

I lay in bed, stressed about bills and tasks that I have to do and the constant feeling of never being at peace mentally. Regretting about what did happen and thinking about what could have been. Thinking am I living a pointless life? At what point do I figure out my path and feel comfort in knowing I have found who I truly am.

I dream of living in a place of no worries. A place in the mountains that is quiet and peaceful. A small cottage where I have a garden and go on true adventures, learn new skills, and discover the true meaning of life, of my life. I do this every night before bed like routine and escape from the reality I am in.

People tell me I’m depressed, or I look tired. I feel like I see and feel the world differently and I feel deeply of these feelings. I wish I did not, but I have always been this way, and I believe it could be for the better if I can learn to find myself and what I was meant to be on this earth for. And if any of my fellow readers feel similar, I wish you the best on your journey.